A Journey of Hard Work, Prayer, and Finding My Way Again

Hey there,

Today, I'm writing something personal—mainly as a reminder to myself. Lately, I've been feeling down, aimless, and unmotivated. It's strange because I usually always have a goal in mind, pushing forward no matter what. But recently, I've been lazy, not just in my actions but in living itself. It's been a tricky mental space to get out of, but I wanted to take a moment to reflect on the past and hopefully regain some of that spark I once had.

When I think about my childhood, I realize how driven I used to be. Whenever I had a dream, I would work so hard for it. I didn't just rely on effort alone—I prayed even harder. I firmly believed that Allah would handle the rest if I did everything in my power.

One vivid memory is when I applied for my university entrance exam. I worked tirelessly, studying day and night, never skipping Tahajjud or Dhuha prayers. I ensured I gave it my all, trusting that Allah would guide me. When the time for the exam came, I remember feeling this overwhelming sense of confidence. I knew I had done my part. And Alhamdulillah, I got accepted. It felt like a significant reward for all the hard work and prayers, reinforcing my belief that remarkable things happen when you combine effort with faith.

The same thing happened when I saw my friends applying for scholarships. I felt inspired to follow their lead. It wasn't easy, though. I had to improve my English, so I traveled to Pare, East Java, known for its language schools, and immersed myself in learning. Again, I prayed constantly, asking Allah to grant me the strength and opportunity to achieve this goal. And Alhamdulillah, I secured the scholarship I had set my sights on. It felt like another huge milestone, proof that determination and faith go hand in hand.

Then came the biggest challenge of all—applying for my PhD. I approached it the same way I always had: work hard, pray harder. It took a lot of dedication, countless hours of studying, and persistent prayers. And just like before, Alhamdulillah, I was blessed with the opportunity to continue my studies. Every time I think about that moment, it reminds me of the value of patience and persistence.

One of my most meaningful achievements was bringing my mom to Taiwan. When I lost my dad before my master's graduation, I was heartbroken. I had always dreamed of having my parents by my side for that particular moment. But after my dad passed, I promised myself that I would still bring my mom to experience what I had built in Taiwan. I didn't want her to come alone, so I invited my aunt—her older sister—to accompany her. I worked hard, saved my money, and prayed. And once again, I was able to make it happen. 

It was a beautiful experience. My mom got to see where I live, meet my husband, and spend two weeks with us during the winter vacation. I wanted her to experience winter for the first time, and she did! We went to the traditional markets, which she loved. It reminded her of home, the bustling energy of people, the colorful stalls, and the rich variety of foods. We also explored many tourist spots around Taipei and New Taipei, visiting temples, parks, and historical sites. My mom and aunt loved it.

One of the highlights was our trip to Taichung, where we visited some of the city's famous landmarks, including a striking modern building I had always wanted to show her. We took so many pictures, capturing every special moment. There was laughter, joy, and so much warmth in those memories. At one point, I asked my mom, "Are you happy?" She smiled and nodded, and I felt an overwhelming sense of peace. Alhamdulillah, I had made it happen for her, and it was one of the proudest moments of my life.

But now, despite all these accomplishments, I'm struggling to find the same motivation. It's hard to understand why. I have so many dreams I still want to achieve, but the drive just isn't there. It's a confusing feeling—knowing what I'm capable of, yet feeling stuck. Maybe this phase is just part of the journey, a temporary setback.

I'm writing this as a reminder: I've always overcome challenges by working hard and praying for guidance. Whenever I put in the effort, Allah helped me achieve what I desired. So, Inshaa Allah, I can find that spark again. This period of uncertainty is just a pause before the next big thing.

Until next time.